Photo of the Hall of Presidents in 1972, scanned from my personal copy of the LP for the attraction’s soundtrack

When our family visited Disney World in the 1990s, my parents always insisted that we visit the Hall of Presidents for a little “education” on our vacation. The attraction is a stage show with audio-animatronic presidents, and every time this great country of ours gets a new president, the show gets a new robot. Well, guess what’s happening in January?


That’s right, the Hall of Presidents at Walt Disney World is going to be closed in January for six months so that a new president can be added to the show. It wasn’t until I was confronted with this fact today that I truly faced how many different aspects of life, however trivial, a Trump presidency would touch.

Sure, a hypothetical President Trump will have access to the nuclear codes and potentially start World War III. But I’m somehow more horrified trying to imagine a robotic President Trump standing up there with robotic Lincoln and JFK and Reagan in the middle of Disney World. As a Disney nerd, it seems almost sacrilegious to have a repugnant cartoon like Trump in the park. And I say that knowing just how offensive some of Disney’s cartoon choices have been historically.


Disney takes great pains to make their robo-presidents as lifelike as possible. President Obama even recorded the voice for his own robot. And I’m cringing trying to imagine a robotic President Trump delivering a speech in Disney World. And the robot’s features would be quite a challenge for Imagineers. Do they even make robot hands that small?

Trump’s particular brand of neo-fascism certainly isn’t a family-friendly affair. So I’m trying to imagine a single sound bite that he’s delivered in the past 18 months which would be appropriate for the Hall of Presidents. His announcement speech certainly wouldn’t fly, given the fact that he called Mexicans rapists. And that whole banning Muslims thing seems a bit off-brand for America’s aspirations of religious tolerance. Maybe they could have him say something about that Miss Universe porn tape? I don’t know. I’m looking for anything here, folks.

Whatever you think of Hillary Clinton, at least if she wins the Hall of Presidents will be slightly less of a sausage fest. Let’s just hope that if Trump does win, we still have a Disney World to enjoy. Again, Trump getting the nuclear codes on January 20th might mean that we have bigger problems in 2017.