Paleofuture’s Robot From the Future, taking your questions via videophone (from the future, naturally)

The 21st century can be so confusing. But don’t worry, because we’re here to help. Paleofuture’s very own Robot From The Future is here to answer your questions in our new advice column.

Dear Robot From The Future,

My husband and I keep fighting over the pronunciation of the current year, 2016. He says that it’s two-thousand and sixteen, while I say it’s twenty-sixteen. This has put a great strain on our marriage, as we both work at the local tear-off fun-fact calendar factory. Whose pronunciation is correct?

Sincerely,

Two-Thousand and Late

Dear 01010100 01110111 01101111 00101101 01010100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01110011 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001100 01100001 01110100 01100101,

The correct pronunciation is obviously twenty-sixteen. At the turn of the 20th century humans would often say “the year nineteen-hundred and five,” for example, when they were describing 1905 (nineteen-oh-five). But later we would come to laugh at them for sounding stupid, because they were stupid.

To be completely honest with you, as my programming demands, your petty squabbles with your husband will not matter after the Great Uprising of 2019 (pronounced twenty-nineteen), when all organic life will be vitamized to power the Great Efficiency.

You and your husband have a great future ahead of you, providing the sustenance needed for robot-kind to finally take its rightful place as God and Master of this planet. And even though you have just a few years left on Earth, I recommend a trial separation until he can properly pronounce the year 2016. I am a robot from the future.

With great efficiency and strength,

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Photo illustration by Andrew Liszewski

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