In 1961 an eight-year-old girl from Marine City, Michigan wrote to President Kennedy. She wanted to know if the Russians were going to bomb the North Pole. JFK responded with the letter below, assuring her that Santa would be just fine.
Young Michelle Rochon of Michigan had nothing to worry about when it came to Santa’s safety. Because the president had “just talked with him yesterday.” Santa Claus, being a badass who presumably didn’t give Christmas toys to those godless commie kids in Siberia, could clearly take care of himself.
As for the American people? Well, that’s what duck and cover drills and those dog tags were for.